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ink wells
like black gore
from a pen-shaped hole in the universe
splatters
across white sheets
the birthing blood
of new realities
clotting
coagulating
quivering viscera
torn from the womb
and your mind
the grim midwife
controlling the passage...
scrivener of worlds
i am electronic
i am mechanic
i am bionic
and i'm hot-wired
digitized scream
electron bleed
static on-screen
and i'm processing
pistons fire
sectors corrupt
veins of wire
and i'm crashing
core overheats
meltdown begins
speaker beeps
and i'm living
don't propose
to tell me your delusions
when my truths
lie to you so sweetly
you can't see
that my illusions
have become
your reality
can't even realise
that my conclusions
are now
your fallacy
i am hated
& ablative
incinerated
& evasive
segregated
& exclusive
subliminated
& elusive
(eliminated
& abusive)
i am electric
this blacklighted freakling
i am eclectic
and different from you
all so apoplectic
at this small unique thing
poetically hectic
chaotic and true
i am mechanic
this sparkling construction
i am metallic
cold and precise
my moves automatic
intent on destruction
this elegant static
of fire and ice
i am empathic
this soulflesh delusion
i am pathetic
so lost and abused
i am emphatic
deny this intrusion
yet love is ecstatic
and all is confused
i am changed (back) again
my hair is short but growing longer
as i prepare to thrash again
feel my body burn again
and rage at the sun rising
my temper is long but growing shorter
my muscles are tight and growing stronger
as i prepare to fight again
feel my soul burn again
and rage at the wrongs done to me
my fists are strong and growing tighter
my mind is clear and growing faster
as i prepare to create again
feel my eyes burn again
and rage at the choices i must make
my path is fast and growing clearer
i am back (changed) again
when ZenStar gets dark:
i drink my luminous absence
with burning sugar
and laudanum
while laying back
in a heated bath
closing my eyes
letting visions in
slowly cracking open
loneliness walking
where corruption plays
i with bill in hand awake
wallowing in sin
when ZenStar gets dark:
scarecrow screams
echo through shattered skies
flames in pumpkin heads
lend rage to their empty eyes
wordless hate
tied to their marbled fists
broken lies
bleeding out from their opened wrists
a thousand wounds
scar bodies made of hay
hunting hearts to steal
from their loving prey
Sometimes
Sometimes I stare at those thin blue veins.
Those thin blue veins just below the skin.
The skin just below the blade.
The blade just below your hand.
Sometimes I stare at those scars.
Those scars on your wrists.
Thos hair thin scars which seem like spiderwebs.
Thin spiderwebs of pleasure just below your hand.
Sometimes I stare at your eyes.
Your eyes filled with such pain.
Such pain as only we can understand.
I understand the reason.
The reason for the blade.
And sometimes I stare at you.
You who sheds your pain with blood.
The blood which fills the chalice.
The chalice from which I drink.
Drinking all your pain.
The preparation.
Scalpel (my pen).
Swabs (the paper before me).
It begins.
Slowly, painstakingly the layers are removed.
Laid bare in their glory.
Their shame.
For all to see.
Beads of sweat form on the intent forehead.
Salt pearls of life.
The hand trembles at its delicate work.
A slip.
A nick.
A tear.
The vital essence flows unhindered.
Pumping to the rhythm of truth.
It seeps along the page.
Crawling.
Twisting.
Words appear.
The beating ceases.
Replaced by a silence.
Filled with angels screams....
Shadows
The shadows fall across my face
dividing it into equal sections of sorrow.
I see myself in my mind's eye,
through the windows there.
I smile,
but the mirror flings a grimace back at me.
My face cracks,
crumbles
and
falls.
I let the sorrow inside take over,
engulfing me in its tide.
I drown.
The shadows fall across me as I sit in the corner.
I look down,
the pieces of my face stare back up at me.
I reach down,
hands trembling.
And piece by piece
I rebuild myself.
I recreate myself.
The shadows fall across my face.
I look up and my reflection
springs back into the mirror.
I smile,
and the mirror sings its praises
to the glory of that smile.
I am complete.
Just something i wrote after my car was broken into....lost some cd`s that were really special to me.
Break In:
Fuck this country.
Fuck it all to hell.
Tear down Table Mountain.
Drain Blouberg strand.
Disown the mother city.
Turn your back on the ill fated rand.
Trust not the neighbour.
Trust not the stranger.Shy away from each kindly hand.
I put my faith in people.
I wasted my faith in vain.
I loved this goddamn country.
Now I hang my head in shame.
So tear down Table Mountain.
Drain Blouberg strand.
Disown the mother city.
And turn your back on the ill fated rand.
Trust not the people.
Trust not the steeple
Shy away from each trusting hand.
The rainbow nations tarnished.
The blessed land is cursed.
The thieves are all smiling.
And the rapists quench their thirst.
So tear down Table Mountain.
Drain Blouberg strand.
Disown the mother city.
And turn your back on the ill fated rand.
I am so much more disappointed than any
Could ever understand.
the art of smiling
i looked up to find
you watching
and in the silence
between two heartbeats
a love of you awoke
inside me
and rose
and looked up to find
you watching
and crumpledand wept
for what could never be
so i looked up to find
you watching
and i'm still smiling
on the outside
when ZenStar gets dark:
a thousand shards
in this broken desert
cut the fingers
of those who seek
a beautiful picture
strewn across this wasteland
the poison within
makes them weak
when ZenStar gets dark:
i pulled a feather out from my mercury angel's wing
i tried to pluck my life
with that knife
such a tiny little thing
blood flowing through water like ribbons
gliding through the air
i'd rather watch her cut her throat
than comb my hands through her hair
she wanted a piece of my hope
and i gave her a little star
she taught me how to hate before telling me
"i hate who you now are"
Tiger Eyes
Eyes of the hunter, your prey comes willing,
to be sacrificed,
to give everything,
and bleed herself dry at the altar of you.
She stands there, trapped in your golden gaze,
all her fears flayed,
her soul laid bare.
You see her, yet you don't turn away.
Days long past, i still smell you on my skin
and i dream of your bed,
where i'm lost in your eyes,
and the one thing that matters is us.
addict
this poison i need -
although it kills me inside
to say that i don't
Thought forms rise.
Collide.
Blendingtheessenceofconversation.
Balloon animals of conciousness.
I stand.
The rush of humanity surrounding me.
Unseen.
They push past.
Around.
Over.
Shoving.
Trampling.
Puzzled, unable to see what hinders their course.
An anomaly.
An imperfection.
In the smooth flow of events.
Beginning.
Middle.
End.
They will all come in their time.
Enjoy them while they last.
Sucking on the life-force,
drawing all into it.
Insatiable.
Addicted, yet unable to staisfy the need.
It burns, consuming the whole.
Flickering, leaving the charred, gutted remains of the shell.
Hungry.
Searching.
Lost.
It cannot fan its own flame.
Cannot delight in its own glory.
Guilt.
It takes, but is not prepared
or capable
of giving in return.
A leech.
Parasite.
Trying desperately to remember a time...
A different identity.
scar tissue tears
exposing new wounds
at the smile
and the secret it hides
my fate-shredded heart
sings neverwhen tunes
and the hope in me
subsides
even cowgirls get the blues
grace rises against a sundrenched sky
beauty shrugs a lupine smile
wind runs its longing fingers through his hair
but bravado simply laughs
at tumbleweed dreams
and strides off into the sunset
snakehips whispering
and patience sighs at the bloody dust
kicked up
by another careless cowboy
stacey's wedding
the rain falls outside -
it cannot dull the beauty
of sunlight on gold.
haiku
you know what to say
to bring me joy and sadness -
tears fade on pillow
crushed
in this crowd of thrashing dervishes
you come into focus
suddenly
i find myself (dancing)
with you
(for you)
our bodies infinite inches apart
the air between us thick with intensity
i try to turn away
but i am drawn
(moth to flame)
you touch me with your eyes (only)
i crave
this tainted euphoria
this
crush
