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TheTome /
BabyAcidYou are on the archive wiki. The new wiki is here. Cupid With Scabbed Wings7th September 2004The Party on saterday night kicked fucking ass. To all those that did not show...damn dudes...you suck. A thousand hugs and kissess to Cas for the great time. Its been AGES since Ive worn make-up and Im soooo thinking of getting back into the habit. The outfits were great.(And sexy!!) The Music was great but couldnt quite dance because my wings were not the most comfortable piece of equipment to move in. Damn I looked cool.... My sunday game is getting REALLY interesting now that one of the players has become a nemesis to the party. (no clue how im going to run this one.). Other than that, everything is running sooooooo smoothly. (Dance for me my puppits! Dance!) I might have to kill another of the PC`s soon....I need my fix. (Just kidding...mwuhaha...um...yeah...:P) Just saw the new White Wolf website...shiny shiny. The New World Of Darkness books are out and i want them, i want them, I WANT THEM! Any one have 500 bucks to give me? Its my birthday soon...puppy dog eyes Maby i should just pimp myself out for a few weeks... ...any takers? Im good with my hands... Im SUCH a sad sad sad sad White Wolf Fanboy. OH GOD...13 more days till Im officially a quater century old...that means i`ll be closer to 50 than I am to birth...shudder...Im too young and too pretty to be 25. everyone smokes in hell! what do i win? -- nhb.
...belly dancing...joy... All dressed up And Nowhere to Go29th August 2004God dammit! What ever happened to saterday night? Plans with Mels and Dave fell through and I found myself at The One Ring...sat there for and hour and a half listening to the Fight Club Sound Track...in the chill out room...ALL FUCKING ALONE. I swear to god, I was the only fucking asshole there. No one. Zip. Nadda. Nothing. I mean, if I was not going to have caviar for conversation, the fates that be could have at least have given me fish paste. What the flying fuck is everybody doing on a Saterday Night??!! At least I have Cassie`s party to look forward to next week. Hmmmmm....now what to where..... This Add Break Brought to you by the proud sponsers of JOY(tm)Belly Dancing Show InformationThe "Buy Tenille a Car" show will be held on the 9th of October (it's a Saturday), somewhere near my house. It will either be at the church down the road from my house, or at the school down the road and around the corner from my house. Since you know where I live, that shouldn't be a problem for you. When I know where it is, I will tell you. It will be at 7pm. At Bergvliet High School. Not that hard to find. It's harder to find the hall than the school. To get to the school, drive southwards along the M3 (towards Tokai and Bergvliet, suprisingly) and turn off at Ladies Mile. At the robots, turn right. Drive straight to the circle. Turn left at the circle, the school (and, in fact, the hall, is directly on your right.) Drive into the school. Park. Find the hall. *GraveRobber
...Jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooy... -BabyAcid Broken Record14th August 2004I am NEVER going to Gandalfs again. Yes, I know, for those of you who see me on a regular basis, I tend to say this once a week, every week for the last 2 years. THIS time I meen it. I swear. NEVER again. It is without out a dought sucking a tiny piece of my soul every time I go there. Its just reached the point where its not even worth going there for the few people that I only ever get a chance to see there anymore. Fuck em. Thats it. Last time. If ANYONE ever catches me at Gandalfs (unless its the CLAW/SCHPAT after party), they are here by ORDERED to kick me in the balls. Dont listen to a word I say. Do not tolerate any begging. And if I tell you I have a good excuse: KICK ME TWICE. Question: What the flying fuck does everyone else do on a friday/saterday night??!!?? Observations at Three10th August 2004Hell is NOT other people. Been house sitting for Mels and Dave for the last two weeks. Never really been on my own for this long before. I`ve found that you never really understand how lonely you are until you end up for not just hours, but days on your own. Hell is not other people. Oh no, hell is ages and ages on your own with no other company than your own. Its then that you realize that you are NOT a happy camper and you wonder why anyone tolerates you at all. This is NOT some stupid cry for sympathy, merely an observation. If you cant tell the difference then PLEASE, dont edit this page with your lame ass comments. It WOULD be heart breakingly depressing if you didnt realize that EVERYONE is in the same boat. my heart breaks. i die. -- NoHolesBarred
you never call, you never write... -- BabyAcid Its just something that I have come to realize in the last few weeks. We`re all a little fucked up, I guess that is why being someone else for a few hours twice a week is so apealing....not really sure where Im going with this. Maby I`ll have a better idea in a few days. I dunno....its just something that hit me today after I was sane/sober enough to fully filter the last few days and come to a fairly shoddy and not-well-thought-out conclusion that even as closeknit as us clawsmembers/others/groupies/oldies are, there is still a shit load under the surface that we keep from each other. Maby Im just projecting...hell...i dont know. I guess we just do the best we can. All I do know is that if it wasnt for Claws, I would have lost it AGES ago...but I DO know that some of us are still hurting due to our various issues and MOST of us are too busy dealing/fronting to pay attension to everyone else. Once again, just an observation, NOT and attack. Disagree with me if you want to, but take a good hard look before you do... 3 in the morning just isnt the right time to be thinking like this...you`d have thought that i`d have learned by now... FFS! FFFuckingS?!!3rd August 2004She fucking did it agian! "The Lady" has made it her personal fucking agenda to fuck me over. /me lights up and takes a deep drag. I cant fucking believe it. After all she`s done, I STILL rether to her as "the lady". You`d think I would have learned by now.... what are the chances....? hell, if you`re looking for a quote to totally define the "garrick" lifestyle, that would be it. "what are the chances" Its like , just as everything make sense, OUT OF THE BLUE, life decides that you`re its bitch and it wants to play. Prince(less than)Charming2nd August 2004Had a great time at the larp tonight. Got to be the me that didnt have to worry about consequences. Didnt realize how much easier things could be if I would/could just LET GO. Personal responsiblity, aint that a bitch. So here I am. My umteenth glass of semi-sweet rose`. So close to spilling my guts. Close, but no cigar. You cant raise a fist to heaven. You cant bite the hand that feeds. I guess thats my motto for times like this. Those introspective moments that sneek up on you at one in the morning. Thinking back, I REALLY shouldnt have asked the question. It was trivial. And egotistical. And NOT something you should waste on the...THE Dragon Tarot. For all those out there that consult the tarot on a regular basis, beware The Dragon Tarot. It is without a dought the most pitiless/truthful deck ever constructed. Ignorance is bliss. A fact of which I am now painfully aware of. I should be consulting it right now, since misery does indeed enjoy company. And yes, I AM going to. You`d think I`d have learnt by now. Life had recently thrown a curve ball. Fortunately enough it was a curve ball I had become all too familiar with. So I asked. "So when AM I next getting laid.". (and the total idiot award goes to....) 7. What? 7 years? months? weeks? days? hours? Answer: The Moon. WTF!!??!! Seven fucking months. Thats like Feburary next FUCKING YEAR. "The Lady" fucking hates me. To HELL WITH THAT! If I was someone that just sat back and accepted anthing and everything that she threw at me....I just wouldnt be...ME. So I challenged. Played poker with "The Lady" and drew... the lovers. why me? It`s sooooo fucking typical of her. We`ve had this little war ever since I became a free thinking indivual. So WHAT do I do now? Sit back and tell myself that some things are worth waiting for? OR, do what I always do...Just be ME. As long and as hard as I can... You cant raise a fist to heaven. You cant bite the hand that feeds. And people wonder WHY i drink so much. Cursed Art of the Tortured Artist17th July 2004Was bored yesterday and a little bummed at my last rejection email (god, dont these assholes know what thet`re letting go to waist...) so i jumped onto Photoshop and and birthed this little monstrocity. My little contribution in celebration of white wolfs new world of darkness. http://www.deviantart.com/view/8970469/ Anyway...looks like i`ll be doing ALOT of design/layout work for claws in the future...there go my weekends... Here is a little wallpaper design i did for Dragonfire 16: Innocence: http://www.deviantart.com/view/8970586/ Exams Cancelled on account of Moodiness28th May 2004For the love of any deity that is out there! For the last few weeks, Ive been really busy taking two short courses on Quarke and Coreldraw in the hopes of upping my skilz and getting a job...any job. So I went to the wonderful little family that is the heart of ProjectIT?. And I do mean family. My "lecturer" runs the "teaching" side of things, his mom is secretary and his dad....i have no idea what he does, but he is always there. Hell, the family dog is always running around the "campus" and very occasionally chews through a wire, gets a shock and is then thrown into the pool. Ive done the work. I listened to the training Cd`s on the two programs. Even though the voice overs were saturated with americam twang. You know how your mouth feels raw after a night of too much drinking and smoking? I didnt know my ears could feel like that too. But I got through them. And my messing around on the programs to get the feel of them were so good, i was told i could skip the practical exam and go on to the theory exam. The only thing standing in my way of two nice shiny new certificates are two 30 question multiple choice exams that im soooo going to own since ive made both programs my bitches who dance like puppets beneath my finger tips. But noooooooooooo. My lecturer, who sets up and runs the exams, has to go and have a massive fight with his dad. He`s now all moody and pissed off and avoiding the house...ie campus. So im stuck waiting for him to calm down and get his fucking life sorted out before i get the chance to write a damn thing. If i dont write it by wednessday, im soooooooo throwing my toys out the cot. I need this done by the end of next week since im heading up to PE for a week to visit a friend of mine. Anyway, CorelDraw? is such a lovely little program and Ive been having muchos muchos fun with it. Here are my latest works of deviant art: http://www.deviantart.com/view/7400396/ Hmmmmm, oddly enough i dont seem to be pissed off enough to bitch about my cellphones being stolen last saterday. Odd. The Larp kicked ass though, didnt know dm`ing one could be so much fun. people should NOT put in positions of power. Had a great fucking time anyway. I Cant sleep for all the voices in my head.10th March 2004Part of me just wants to dream. To hit fast forward on the remote of life. Another part just decide to start a coversation. I thought that the simple act of turning on my pc, logging on and coming here would distract me enough to stop the the thoughts from streaming in. You see, Ive been thinking again. Heh heh..if I`d uttered that last sentence for my monday group, I`d have had a hundred "friendly" digs lashed at me by now. They`ed have made me feel foolish by now. Made me realize that I was being over dramatic and pathetic by now. But they`re not here and all I have right now is voice in my head and its saying: "Whats fucking wrong with you. How the hell did you turn into a person whose miserable right now because people arent treating him like shit?" That voice has been talking for hours right by now. If I wasnt here spilling the remains of my heart that voice would have kept me up past dawn....it may yet still. All because I started thinking... And what about? Its hard to put in words, or at least its hard to put into words again. The thoughts form themselves into vast paragraphs that flare and turn to ashes even as you think them. Ive been torturing myself for hours and now for the life of me I find it difficult to write down how. Part of me, the rational part is telling me that everyone goes through this, the lie awake at night unable to go to sleep because all they can do is think about what has become of their life and what kind of person they really are and if they are happy with the answers maby they can sleep, content with the person they have become, and maby, just maby they can dream of better things yet to come. Am I happy with the person I have become? No. Heh. And thats the truth of it. If I was, I would be asleep right now. I wish I could believe that if I had made better choices I would be happy with who I was right now. But the fact of the matter is, If I had made better chioces I just would not be me. I would be somebody else right now sleep blissfully. The me who cant sleep right now just wouldnt exsist. Am I happy with the person I have become? Ive answered this one already. But some questions have two answers. Hell, all questions have two answers, offten contradicting each other. This is something I have realised. The answer is: Yes. Nobody is a good person. We like to belive we are but we`re not. But we try. Each of us has an ideal to strive for. I wish I could say that what I have just typed was true, but its not...some of us just dont try at all. Some of us believe that if we`re compassionate once, then we will have to continue being compassionate and that it will never end. No one wants to lie on broken glass so that those who think very little of you can walk without hurting their feet. And that, sadly enough, IS my ideal. The ideal that I strive for. And I have failed. But still I strive. Still I...try. I had a conversation with a girl one night. I should have been compassionate. But she had crossed too many lines. She wanted others to suffer and I wanted her to suffer for that wanting. I broke my own rules, went back on my own ideals, made the wrong choice and I suffer still for it. The regret will never allow me to make that mistake again and once again I continue the path I chose. My mistakes, my wrong choices have made me a better person than I would have been, if only in my own mind. And so in this sense: Yes, I am happy with who I have become. These rare nights of torment and regret are the price I pay for living an ideal that matters only to myself. A thousand "friendly" digs will cut my flesh to ribbons for this one time that I open my heart and for a moment I consider erasing all that I have written as I have done many times before. You cant take back the things that you say. But holding your tounge just turns the words to acid that just eats away inside. Maby If I click on save I`ll be able to sleep tonight. Maby I`ll just keep myself awake with worry over this foolishness. Maby Im being overly dramatic...maby Im just in a mood. Who knows, maby I fell asleep hours ago and this is all a dream. I think that would make me happy, but I just too realistic to believe. Back with a vengeance baby! yeah!!5th January 2004God damn. Its been ages since I`ve written anything here. Just astounded that this page is still up. Hope everyone had a great new years. Conrads party rocked. It had mischief. It had mayhem. It had ducks. It was awsome to see all the current claw members there since, thursday nights aside, I never get to see them. (What the hell do you guys get up to on friday nights?) Thanks to Brenden for copying the Fight Club OTS for me. Thanks to Roo for remembering to bring Munchkin. Thanks to Alex for being a barrel of laughs. Thanks to Amy for listening to me go on and on about my vamp game. Thanks to Jo for perfecting her tequila drink. Thanks to everyone else for the cool conversations. And finally...Thanks to Conrad for finally putting his towl back on. :) You guys made this new years great. sniff um...i mean...yeah man, like groovy new years and stuff. Rock on. All your Photoshop L33t skilz are Belong to ME!16th SeptemberGreets peeps. His lordship the grand high minor deity of photoshop (namely me) has an online Gallery. The IRC folks must be pretty tired of me tooting my own horn by now, but dammit Im just soooooooo good. The Gallery: http://babyacid.deviantart.com/gallery/ All] the 800x600 Cthulhu Wallpapers are there, as are the Hamilton, Texas All Flesh Wallpapers. and The most awsome Rifle Stock War Club. Babyacid Loves. To Write Many A Haiku. Just Click to Enter.15th September 2003BabyacidHaikuWorld is your link to cheap affordable Haikus over the internet. Create them! Collect them! Trade them! Stick them to your head! More fun tha Tazos. Hmmm....I wonder if you really could turn Haikus into a card game....? World Wide Web Explorers Club!3rd September 2003Thats right! My alter-ego Lordacid Von Munchausen has set up his WorldWideWebExplorersClub. A place where all young gentlemen can come and discuss their latest tales of discovery and adventure in the darkest and most exotic recesses of The WEB! Welcome one and all...I have finally Arrived!2nd September 2003First Off: Here`s a link to a little zombie simulator i managed to find in my travels. Next Off: SynKronos suggested I put up the link to my wallpaper designs at deviant art. Oh..and one more thing...to all those who want their brain eaten by a zombie...go here. That is all citizen...move along....move along. |