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BarrenImpressionsAugivYou are on the archive wiki. The new wiki is here. BarrenImpressions - Archives - August 2004BarrenImpressions 26 August 2004 - 15:24As much as my subconscious felt this coming I didn't really ever believe it would be like this. So what do you do when you find your entire world ripped out from underneath you? When there is noone left you can talk to. Not because noone cares or will listen or understand (because those people still exist) but because of the fact that they will listen and care and understand. If I ignore people. Forgive me. If I am not seen in a while. Once again I am sorry. I will be distant. Please do not ask me. I will not tell you. Please just leave me be. There is no explanation that I am willing to give. It just has to happen. I just need to be for a little while. Or maybe a long while. I don't know. There must be something left. Do you have any idea how frustrating this post is to all those who know and love you. - BabyAcid Alone-time is good: you sift through the emotional wreckage, looking for surviving parts of yourself. You assemble what you find into a better, stronger you - and then you go out into the world and do it all again. An exercise in futility if ever there was one, but it is one I identify with and understand. Know that u are not alone, ultimately. See you on the other side. - GloomiNati 20 August 2004 - 11:11I'm not sure whether this is a good or a bad thing, but I finally have something to rant about again. Group projects. I am not group leader. I specifically chose not to be group leader and was quite happy to hand the reins over to someone who was quite keen to have the job. Cool. Was working great. Until I realised that once again to get anything in the group done I'd have to organise it myself. Cool. No Surprises. I know this. Done it before. I just didn't want to have to deal directly with anyone or make phonecalls. It's not my thing. Get lumped with a real client. No problem. That's the project after all. Get lumped with an anal-retentive client who doesn't quite mean what she says. No problem. Real life right? The client is always right and you have to work around that. Thought we were doing quite well. Have a project where some of it is marked by the client and most of it by UCT. Fine, didn't think that would be a problem. Fine line of trying to fit the client's needs together with UCT requirements to get a result that not only gets you marks, but is actually useful to the client. Once again, don't think we're doing too badly on that one. Because I really do want to give the client something they can actually use. But still pass. Group dynamics. Issue. Administrative stuff. Issue. We've handed in two progress reports. Neither of which we've receieved back yet so we have no idea how we're doing. These both went to the client late because she was never around. This again I can deal with. Just keep working with what we have. It is possible to get around it. Issue. The client wants to talk to me. What?!? Didn't I specifically sort this out so that I didn't have to talk to anyone? Didn't I organise that I'd get the report done, cause noone else was going to either want to or have time to and we all spend most of our time wabbing at meetings anyway so someone has to get everything in order. But no, taking this small liberty with responsibility has come back to bite me. Did I write most of the reports? Yes. Not all, but definitely most. Do I have the best idea of what's going on? Probably. Does this warrant the client wanting to talk to me? No! It doesn't matter what's going on behind the scenes. We have been sent out as a professional group to get a job done. There is a group leader. They are meant to lias with the client and sort out meetings and problems. The group is meant to get the job done. It doesn't matter who does what work. It doesn't matter how much infighting there is. It doesn't matter if one of your group members has never even met the client. As far as the client is concerned, on a professional level, there is the group leader and the group. They all do their fair share of whatever is being done. You don't know who did what. You're not meant to. You're meant to just talk to the group leader and meet with the group and they will hand you the results. Now, how do I get this idea through to my group leader who has never really had to deal with this type of situation before and isn't actually sure what to do. And a lawyer is not the most diplomatic type of person anyway, but that was one of the reason we were happy with her doing the job because she'd make sure the group actually did work. So yea. Now because I put in most of the work on the reports and the client wants to talk to the person who wrote the reports, I'm meant to talk to her. This has nothing to do with the fact that each report was passed by every group member. I made sure. And that they had as much input as they were willing to give. I was late for the second meeting so work couldn't be done and then others had to leave early. Why exactly do I have to be there anyway? Why couldn't people start working without me? Why is it that both reports have been handed in by two different people, neither who are the group leader? Who's fault is that exactly? Because I sure as hell am not going to take the blame for this. I am not individually responsible for anything. We are a group. If anyone takes responsibility to the client, it is the group leader. That is what they are meant to do. Take the crap and pass it on to the relevant parties to get the job done. Screw personal reputation. That's not the issue. Each sentence in both reports is the entire group's problem. Not mine. And then to top it all off. After a storm of serious sms'ing and finally taking a stand, I reach a compromise. I will deal with the client. Via email. Where all complaints can be in writing. And we will sort it all out as a group. So I take the organising responsibility for that. Fine. And then I get told that it's not exactly a complaint, it's more suspected concerns and nitpicking. AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So after I got over the urge to kill people. After having various CLAWs people offer to kill people for me. I'm getting over it and moving on. Never underestimate the cleansing power of a WikiRant. 19 August 2004 - 11:08Sigh. Work piles up and I begin to procrastinate doing any work with other work that I don't really need to do just yet. And I've begun to realise that I only really have a week or two of lectures left. Then exams. Then a thesis. Then one last exam. And then I'm done. It's kinda scary in a way. I never thought about getting to this point. I thought, safety of varsity and not having to think of my future and just studying for a couple more years. That's probably why I want to stay and do my Masters, puts off thinking about the real world for a little while longer. Commerce Grad Ball tomorrow night. We only found out last week. Been running around trying to get together an outfit and sort out things like hair and stuff. Almost done. Just have to work out now if I'm gonna have enough time to get ready :p Probably not, but I've always enjoyed a challenge. Going to The Turtle afterwards. Yay! Haven't been there all year :) Hope it's still decent. Then LARPing on Saturday, cause they need me to. Sleep is for the week (deliberate replacement of a by e) cause I'm not gonng get any this weekend. Too much work :p Which I probably won't do. Take life as it comes I suppose. That's the only way I'm dealing right now. Many other people who need something and part of me. Not that I'm not willing to give of myself, there's just only so much of me to go around. Work seems to be last on the importance list, but first on the urgent list. Sigh. 05 August 2004 - 12:07Here we go again. Really should try and update this a little more often. But life has been rather hectic these past few weeks. Not that I've even noticed except for the fact that the weeks just go by and I sit back and wonder what I've been doing in that time. Finally properly got my NRF applications in for funding for next year. Yay. Although now I hear that there's possibly other stuff I should apply for. I also hear that UCT, by far, receives the most money in the country from the NRF, R20m more than Stellenbosch coming in second. It's insane! But hopefully it means I might actually get some of it :p Ever After is such a cool LARP :) Michelle has some seriously warped ideas in her mind, but it's probably the most fun I've ever had playing. And I get to GM it at Dragonfire! Yay :) Life-long (okay 3-year) dream finally happens. Other than that, just trying to get some academic work done for a change. It's slowly piling up and I think I should perhaps start trying to pile it down a bit. And then I'll get lost in it and I won't have to think about everything else going on in my life. Well, except for Shaun - I like thinking about him :) And it was nice to be surprised, even if he doesn't want to admit to missing me ;p Admit nothing, deny everything! It works for me - BlueHands And to comment on BabyAcid's little rant on life. No, it's not fair. Yes, sometimes things do get sorted out. And sometimes you have to spend some time accepting the hand she's thrown your way, knowing that even though there's free will, some things you just can't change. And how much I wish I could sacrifice to make it change, but there is nothing that could possibly be enough. First time in my life I'm finding it this hard to accept the way things are. But I suppose that that's the way things are :p There are always reasons. |