• View
• Edit
• History
• Print

TalTos

You are on the archive wiki. The new wiki is here. 15/09/2004

Hush hush
Don’t you cry I will sing you a lullaby
wait with your prayers wait for me
I might need death to come for me
hush now hush my days are done
lullabies and prayers all are gone.

If I ask you to undress, will you? Can you show me your body with all its flaws and still remain beautiful and sensual? Would you allow me to whisper and slip soft hands and words across your skin? Would you run away at the first sign of intimacy? Can you be naked and yet dressed in who you are and what you are? Is the masks that you wear skin deep or do they disappear with your clothes? Who are you really? What dreams do you have as your body aches for the touch of another? what secrets would you tell me as I keep you on a knife’s edge of ecstasy? Could you remain calm and reasoned? Can you show me what it feels like to be kissed and softly touched on neck, shoulder, breast and further down as your breath catches and waits? Holds. Forgets to breathe. Forgets to think to be to dream and just to feel.

Would you ask me for my words then? Would you wonder at the mask I wear even now under my skin.

Would you be surprised at the tears that falls beneath your ecstasy.

15:30

Altered
beyond what I was the chemical cocktail
demands a price too high to pay
too high to say no and nay
and stop the flooded endorphin rush
that ticks and tocks the moments for
who I am that is soon to be lost
among the delusioned and the sane alike

Altered by the speed
I remember that I will no longer,
be!

There are moments that your life stops and the slow elegance of living grabs you by the heart, forcing you to pay attention. I wonder who else felt the shift in perception, maybe just me and the chemical toxin bunnies. Do not know. Wondering about them will tear me in two. Shatter me like a day old mirror.

What is it with pretending? What is wrong with life that the all you love becomes the next broken down song? Wear your souls on your sleeve. Take the sorrow and make it gold. Hold the voice that tells you, you mean something and kill it. How can you mean something? How can you matter!

The angels do not see you anymore. There is neither harp nor halo, No hell no Elysium, No Nothing. I wonder where the pain went. Did it magic itself away? I wonder what shadow I will be tonight… what dream by candle light?

14/09/2004

The sun came up and I was awake waiting for it. Seems that sleep is no longer an option. They call too loudly for my attention and it is becoming distracting. Can someone please ask them to whisper? I can hear them. I can touch them. Their songs are so much a part of the dream that sometimes it is difficult to know where you are. Where anything is except the need to touch and hold and be and dream and ... so many others things other than pain and crying.

I am wondering at the sunlight. worried that it might stay. I have been recieving laughter from so many, hopefully the tears will come too.

Singing. Rambling ... sometimes remembering. The sky bleeds into blue and white. I am gone again. The shadow behind the eyes.

14h55

The day got longer and slowly the walls closed in. I cannot see the angels anymore. I hope they they still see me. Where are the dreams? Where are the heroes? Why can the wind no longer find me to bring me whispers of tomorrow? My words are losing my voice. Sunlight is still anoyingly bright and you are no longer here. Gone. Forgotten by my overactive mind as the shadows slide and slip soft hands and lips into me. My skin is electrified. My soul renewed.

love lost.
Shadows gained Memories remembered
the light shows pain

13/09/2004

The white walls become the norm if you stare at them too long. The fluttering of uniformed people that test the very air you breathe for impurities or demons or... I just do not know what, becomes irritating. Choise has gone from this place and slowly the shadows come to get me. Not that I mind. I kinda like the shadows. They are comforting, more so than the blinding lights that make us wear masks as protection. Hmmmm. There is a thought. Maybe we can only be real whenwe no longer have to pretend? Maybe the masks have become us and only in the shaded tones of night and winter can we find who we are.

If you wear a mask for long enough it becomes who you are. The "real you" is a perception, a negotiation between the face you project and that which society accepts. If all your interactions with other people are based on a mask or an image, those interactions will actually change who you are. People treat you according to the image you project; they reinforce consistent behaviour and punish behaviour that breaks the mask. The only way to make some real connection with other people is by dropping the mask and taking all the risks that come with showing your 'real self' to others. The alternative is that you never form any genuinely deep relationships. I learnt this the hard way. -Lara (PseudoNym)

Forgive my rambling. It is for my soul, not yours, but if you need to say something ... it will be made part of my dream of home.

I am scared to type here for fear of disturbing thoughts like yours, they are beautiful and dark and i wish you would share more-GoldenAngel

• There are so few voices left that will take chanse at being false. Yours is one that need not be silenced. Need not fear the forgotten words that hurt and makes one bleed. As once before I asked ... pleaded and begged. Make this place a sharing of laughter and tears. Yours and mine. Maybe the angels will forgive me my lapse and rememeber me as a song. You they will see. You they will know. As they take your dreams of forever and bring you into my home. Softly. Slowly. I think you know how to fly. Don't leave me here alone. The sunlight might let me die. - TalTos 13/09/2004

  ---

No way out of this crazy place
called me

       and mine
    and shallow
and crude shelter

against the coming storm

Poncy? Me? I do not even know how to spell it and if it is correct then it is by chance. The words that are here are as much mine as it is yours. If you then ridicule and object to the reason or rhyme you merely find the hollow in your own soul not mine. As to the bunnies. That will remain secret for a time that you have earned trust.

In the shadows though there is no time for the laughter that you point at me. The pain of remembering brings more loss than healing. Don't you agree? The emotions that turn into you is more than heavenintended. More than should have been. The Lady or other God should not have given us so much... as the joy does not always cancel the hurt. The laughter does not always take away the tears.

This moment I love you
as the sun paints the sky
for the new day to begin its time.

This time I love you
and have no breath to breathe
as realizing what you mean to me
my heart becomes all the tomorrows
where I love you as I do now –
completely.

I never intended for anything to go wrong. I never knew how much it hurts to be the one that must move differently to others while masked. The rituals of hiding becomes, difficult and all my tears are shed for what is lost. SunChaser and BabyAcid have been ranting about what is going on. The pain of loss and the confusion of The Lady playing. I have no words of wisdom to lend them as I need all my own songs for my self. I know they ask not to be disturbed, but sometimes, just sometimes ignorence is bliss.

You who know me. Interfere in my life. Play with me and sing my songs or your own. Do not let my voice fade too much as I need to reinvent who I am or am supposed to be. the lines are fading as the angels approach. Stay your hands just a little while so that the goodbeyes and farewells for who I was can be done with the least bit of solitude. I have allways wondered at why people cry. Never been one to be able to just let emotions come as they please. I now get the cleansing nature of gief. The purification of passion and the joy of laughter.

Those who know me. Laugh at the world. Let me know the joy of other hearts and souls. Bring forth the wine and meat and feast with me at the table of now as tomorrow is too far. Tomorrow is llways too far.

I wish I knew who you were and where you're going...I'd like to be there for you...if you'd let me.-Wednesday leFey