EnoughIsEnoughYou are on the archive wiki. The new wiki is here. So, the start of another year. New Year's was good. Went to visit Neil and Karen and their new baby, Emma. She's lovely. I'm planning on babysitting alot, although Karen wasn't too impressed when I suggested to Emma that I take her for her first piercing sometime soon :-p. Despite my concerns, Al's party was ok. Went to dinner with Erica and Marc first at St Elmo's. Mmmm, carbonara. Four kinds of meat and enough cheese to kill me, but it was good. I think the double-thick milkshake was a bad idea though. Marc and I are both lactose-intolerant. Guess which two ppl at the table had milkshakes? The party started off bleh, got really sucky around midnight, then got really cool, then got really bizarre. The music was cool, danced more than I have in ages. The 3-day neckache proved that I'm too old to headbang. It was really cool to talk to some people that I haven't in ages, although there were some unexpected and heart-wrenching consequences. It amazed me to find that some people are so insecure that just talking to someone can result in tantrums. Makes for good gossip, though. Turns out what I thought was just a jealousy problem is in fact a common feeling, and it's not just me. So, after a weekend of sudden hope at a possible reconciliation, I find myself shipwrecked on the shore of cold, hard realisation. Enough is indeed enough. No more emotional S&M for me, I'm tired of the angst. I'm finally kicking my terrible addiction in the head, and hopefully I'll be happier and emotionally healthier for it. If you feel like you've walked in midway through a soap opera and it's in a foreign language (to borrow a phrase from Mike), where have you been for the last 6 years? Ask me about it sometime, I might tell you depending on how drunk I am. But hopefully it'll be a distant memory in a few months, or maybe years. I will always have to live with this addiction, and the things I've done because if it, things I've sarificed to it, but I'm going to try to beat it down, and not let it affect me anymore. I'm going to stop thinking about what could be "if only", and start focusing on what is now, and what will be. And come to terms with what can never be. I'm going to put up a poem about this, but I'm still working on it. For now, no more pining for the fjords. The fjords are very beautiful, and I had some amazingly wonderful visits there, but that was a long time ago. The fjords will continue to be beautiful, but others are appreciating their beauty and lovely weather now, although I will always be their biggest fan, I think. There will be no place quite like them for me, ever, but I think it's time for a change of scene. Ps: wierd thing about the bag! Perhaps Shadowcat has turned to a life of petty theft. |