SoItBeginsAgainYou are on the archive wiki. The new wiki is here. Rambling of a 'Hand of Blue' 11 October 2004 hm...I've finally come to understand why certain aspects of me are the way they are. And it's kind of scary. But you don't want to hear that now, do you. Well fuck you! See, it's easy to be what the world wants you to be...what is expected of you. Especially if you become lost in it, because there will always be someone to show you how to be what is expected. Now comes the time to find what you've lost. Or is simply be what you've lost. That's hard - 'cos there is no one to show you what you are...what you've lost...how to find it. Only you. But what happens if you don't like you...because of what you've become. Would you listen to you? At the same time I'm pulled two ways...my faith is eroded. I want to say FUCK YOU to a God, do I really have to give a reason, but that would be disrespectful and blasphemous, now wouldn't it? That's what we are conditioned to believe, isn't it!. I'm continually drawn else where, to the same thing ,not consciously though. Each time it seems like a fluke. But is it? Or am I fighting something that the subconscious says is right? This is part of the making me happy over other people that I don't tend to do. I realised that I thought that I propped people up, sacrificing of myself so that they could be happy. I've realised that sooner or later there's going to be no more me to prop people up...and where will I be? A pale shade of what was? Or even paler than the shadow that is now? I have realised that I used the people to prop me up and define me...which brings me to the beginning again |