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Quotes
Mark - I don’t think you should feed the natives, Brindley
Mark - How about we play a game of iron RAPE man?
Jon – I –am- going to fuck you in the ass before the end of tonight
JD – I already spoiled my breakfast, I had BJs?
Gareth – For a $100 000 he could cum in my assJon – We know Dieter’s gay, we’re going to fuck him on the train.
Steve – Fuck Jo’burg, fuck it in its fat gay ass
Steve – Are you from Hungary, hungry for cock?
10/7
Brindley
13h10
Worcester: Like the sauce, tho not as tasty. We pulled into the station,
in a manner of speaking. No action yet, Afrikaans girls rumored to put out
lank. Ill have to test this theory on a young english boy. He might be
gay, if I try anything Steve will kill me, especially if he’s the boy.
Jon: Entry 1
Taking applications for ”farmer’s daughters whoring session” so far only JD
and Gareth are in. The trip is longer than I expected. Brindley showing
alarming tendency towards hysterical laughter. Stephen will not shut up
about stats. The English boy in the top bunk is strangely attractive. If I
try anything Steve will kill me. Conversation has centred around
cornholing, threesomes, and homosexual tribesmen from Ghana. I have
finished this entry and we have not reached Jo’burg. Very strange.
Mojo
13:23
Mind temporarily distracted by the concept of sweet sex. Lots of farms, no
farmgirls. We are apparently going the wrong way, little English boy not
attractive, worried by being surrounded by 6 men who discuss anal
penetration with glee. I think they’re gay
13:40
Have arrived at station, looking for farmgirls, so far only not so hot grape
sellers. Still no farmgirls, only ugly homeless people.
JD
13:34
So far so good, Brindley has now twice threatened Steve with ‘anal action’.
B also looking at the little English boy, if he tries anything Steve will
kill him. Gareth now obessed with anything from these farms, muttering
about cows.
13:39
Steve may be gay, seemed to be hoping to catch Gareth and I shagging. We
weren’t. Steve seems disappointed, has gone to play cards with Jon
Mojo
13:54
Going through tunnels. Cannot see. Hoping to be jumped by farmgirls,
however hasn’t happened yet. In fact only seen men for the past hour.
Worried
14:00
Have just been solicited by Duncan and Brindley. My lack of interest
obvious, they moved on to enticing me with homo-erotic stories. Still not
interested
14:54
Playing Jeffery Archer. Fuck you Mark! Todd Maclanefar! Am now unable to
hear due to Duncan’s banshee scream.
JD
15:06
Still on Jeffery Archer, damn Mark! Has put “JD limp wrested gay elflord” in
the hat! Must kill Mark, next time must put something really obscure in.
15:08
Crap!! Brindley just put in Apu’s full name … again … Damn his eyes!!
Duncan will kick his ass
15:36
Mark has received divine vengeance, choking on his crisps.
Brindley
There is a suprising lack of loose women, and considering this is a CLAWs
trip, it is suprising. I’m worried about Ian, he’s constantly touching
Michele – I think he’s in denial. English boy at the top is keeping a low
profile. I think he realizes his sphincter is in danger of becoming
‘narrowly challenged’. Gareth looks like Jay from the Kevin Smith films –
strangely attractive. Maybe he’s gay, Jay was.
Mojo
15:53
Post word games –beanie is now fixed on my head. Apparently I look like
Jay. Awesome, now I must be irresistible to bitches. Err, farmgirls…. Why
did I just say that? “15 bucks, little man, put that shit in my hand” Cant
get that song out my head, everyone here is one of my ho’s. Ripping
16:09
Duncan definitely gay, fondled JD’s ass. JD didn’t react. Worried.
Duncan
JD’s ass very firm, firmness a sign of potential tightness, must ‘explore’
it later. JD definitely has the gay look. I am taking my hair out of a
ponytail to look more like a may-an. The Mafioso look apparently turns
people on. Owned peoples asses at J Archer but ghay elflord sucked, so we
lost. Need to take a leak, considering propositioning little English boy for
a golden shower. Ian and Michele look close, wonder if they have ‘done it’
yet.
Clawthing
I sucked at Jeffery Archer!!!! They got Todd Maclanefar without a problem.
Must try harder! Has no one else noticed that Brindley sleeps with his legs
spread? Maybe its just me. Have been thinking disturbing thoughts about
the little English boy. Steve seems to be in there already though, he’d
kill me if I try anything. Bugger – but sadly not on this trip it seems.
The farmers in the karoo have just loads and loads of sheep to have fun
with. I’m so SO jealous! Am v. miffed Gareth hasn’t noticed me yet, wonder
if he’d fit into that sheep costume. He’d look really cute, but all he
keeps talking about is how irresistible to bitches he is. On the upside got
to shove a chip in Jon’s mouth. Think he may be getting over little tiff.
Go me!!
Steve
17:40
I think Duncan made a pass at me. He looks like he’s going for that Mafioso
look. I wonder what he has planned for the English boy (I’ll kill them if
they try anything). God save him. Gareth looking strangely attractive in a
beanie, kinda like Jay. Leeugamka and no hot farmgirls, getting dark. What
a ship of fools this is
Mojo
17:59
Starting to feel very hunted. Everyone looking at me funny, tempted to
remove beanie, still no bitches. Sigh. Waiting for supper, have ordered
‘African Magic”, NOT hoping for a surprise
The blasted magic player
18:05
Played magic against wargamers. Won. No satisfaction yet. Played Gareth.
Won. Nope no satifaction. Beginning to find Serra Angel very attractive.
Need to get out more. Saw Gareth with beanie. Almost snorted coffee, v.
funny. Serra angel still attractive.
Mojo
18:30
Sitting in BJs?. Back 1 and left is the table of elderly mingers, redeemed
only by single fit girl. She finds me strangely attractive. Soon I will
make her one of my many bitches. Am getting confused between Jay and Ali G.
Must concentrate.
18:36
Cant identify one of the train wanderers. Is it male or female? Too flat
chested to tell, possibly just very young. Not worried.
18:40
JD making a play for my girl, think he was intercepted by an elderly minger.
Gets what he deserves.
Jon: Entry 2
The party is sitting in the aptly named BJs? (because is sucks balls). Some
of us are playing strange and mystical card games while others merely
ruminate. The English boy is looking increasingly uncomfortable. I think
he has noticed some peoples hungering eyes. Beard update: still there.
Mank update: subtly dodgy. The English boy hurries me along in my writing
of this diary in a charmingly authoritarian way. If I try anything Steve
will kill me. We’re still no in Jo’burg
The “soon to be stolen and thrown off the train and found by squatters who
will use is for toilet paper, only to blow away to a nearby town and be
published as a best selling novel” diary of the English boy
You could cut the tension with a knife, their hungry eyes watch my every
move. At any moment 36 men could pin me down and … and …. ( English boy
breaks into uncontroable sobbing for a few minutes). I fear for my anus.
Mojo
19:05
Brindley has expressed interest in my girl. I think she is taunting us with
her body. Filthy vixen. Thought Brindley was gay. Am now confused.
Supper was interesting. Cant tell if I was eating chicken or fish. Second
thought: don’t want to know. Now know why sauce is secret – to hide from
the UN. Reminds me of a song: “Smells like fish, tastes like chicken, you
don’t know what you’ve been a licking, oh boy, oh oh oh boy”
Mojo’s observations on gradations of coffee
Filter
Instant
Instant with creamer
Instant with curdled milk
Instant with fermented horse urine
Instant with long life milk
BJs? liquid crap
Brindley
I have just been propositioned by an old Afrikaans woman, Aunty Lizaan (or
La). I think she may be single. I may have to sleep with the door locked
tonight, those Afrikaners are tenacious. Mark just gave me a huge fright,
lurking behind me. I thought he might be one of the ‘women’. Just realized
… the woman is friends with the mother of the girl Gareth is perving. I may
have to do her, the mother, and then only the daughter – its something that
just has to be done, no matter how tough. Though if I try anything Gareth
may kill me. Magic players still here affording adequate protection … for
now.
(next page in huge capitals)
SAVE ME!! SALVETE MEI!!!
(and below in Jon’s handwriting)
May have to sleep in shifts tonight, if you read this and I am dead, please
give my warhammer to Jon.
Mojo
It seems I have competition for Rone’s affections. However I have her phone
number (0825959335)((Jdnote –maybe this should not be printed in clawmarks
:))). I think it’s a fake, an American guy was on the voicemail. Maybe
there is something we don’t know. Am worried. Nearly forgot about being
molested by a native, wanted to know if I was single. Is everyone gay??
Ian
Very worried, Dave’s been eyeing me with a strange hunger. Don’t know
whether its starvation or something else. At one point in the afternoon he
gave me a death stare. Think he’s trying to kill me. The old lady who is
propositioning Brindley asked whether I was married. Think I need to run
for the hills. Even the broken bones from jumping from the train would be
acceptable losses… arrrgh! Huddling in a small corner whilst writing this.
Help! Old women coming out of the bulkheads, they’re getting undressed!!
Dribble Dribble!! Still not sane ….
The Quasi-secret diary of the Female
21:01
I knew I was in trouble this morning, a looong train trip, 1 girl and 11
guys –and I’m the girl. I was worried, but not for the right reasons.
Here’s whats happened so far. I’m trying to get anywhere near a half decent
mirror, so I can see how badly I’ve aged since this morning. An Afrikaans
tannie who was accosting Brindley, started interrogating Ian and I about our
relationship, wanting to know if we were married! I’m too young to die!!
How on earth could I look old enough to be trapped for life?? I can feel
the life-force draining out of me even as I write (Ian possibly sapping it
for diabolical purposes). Speaking of Ian, haven’t got any action (so to
speak) out of him since.. well … a lot earlier this afternoon, when Dave
walked in and we weren’t aware that he was about to do so. Since then he’s
been hardly noticing me at all (compared to normal) and is spending an awful
lot of time staring at Dave. I’m starting to worry.
My original fears however were unfounded, the guys see, to be far more
interested in underwear preferences, bathroom preferences and each other to
bother me. My ego has been dented. Mark’s attempts to touch the other guys
is disturbing, possibly the other males’ behavior is affecting Ian. Cant
attempt to get his attention back yet however, as will be forcibly evicted
from the moving train via a window by the others as this would surely drive
them (and their STRANGE hormones) insane. I’m praying for my sanity.
The Ironmen
21:44 - Steve
We have begun a game of Iron-man DnD?. We are a ragtag group of stupid
necrophiliacs, suicidally depressed old men, narcoleptic paranoid
schitzophrenics and a paraplegic knight, with Jon running the misadventure …
I wonder how long this will last …
22:23 – JD
Didn’t last that long, Steve survived the damn pinyata dragon, Gareth
didn’t.
Brindley – man on the run!
We just completed the manly man test. Needless to say I wussed out first.
Manliness consisted of wetting ones hand and sticking it out of the moving
train in Mid-Karoo at 10:30pm. We have also realized we have no blankies –
Linus wouldn’t be happy. Afrikaans chick sms’ed back and has boyfriend.
Looking into spading for Gareth. Possibility of 3some inevitable. STILL
not in Jo’burg.
The English Boy
Jon is growing increasingly hostile … “I’m gonna to rape you in your fucking
ass, bitch” –Jon at approx. 1:07am. ….. I fear for my anus.
11/7
JD
11:20
Morning at last, B and Jon bitching about the cold. Woke up strangely
warm, wonder if Steve tried anything, if he did I’ll kill him. English boy
still looks worried, maybe Jon did ‘huddle together for warmth’. Breakfast
of champions, rats appear to have eaten the inside of my potato rostie.
Still not in Jo’burg .. fucking train.
Brindley
8:30
So, so cold. Woke up dead. Had to try revive myself –no one offered to
jump into bed to help my hypothermia. English boy looked keen (asleep).
But I think he was scared to try anything, Steve would have killed him. No
shower water, hot or cold. Possibly a good thing, water might have caused
hypothermic shock. Can’t feel my feet. Only have one glove –damn Dave.
Where is my beanie?? Jon has it –these vultures are thieving my warmth.
Still dead. Still not in JHB.
Mojo
11:48
Slept. Froze. Woke. Froze. Slept. Froze. Woke. Fucking cold!! Nearly
in Johannesburg. Tensions on train have reached breakpoint. Little English
boy has a determined look in his eyes. I think he’ll kill anyone who tries
anything. So cold. Still irresistible to bitches.
Steve
12:00
Last night fucking cold. Heater broke of course, knew I shouldn’t have let
Jon touch it. Tensions rising between Jon and the little English boy, with
promises of “I’m gonna ream yo ass!” during the night. Woke up strangely
warm, wonder if JD tried anything, if he did Brindley will kill him. Woke up
this morning to one of Duncan’s ‘lessons on spading’. Still not in Jo’burg,
still hungry.
The Female
Am starting to fear that males’ behavior is rubbing off on me, was sorely
tempted to participate in test of manliness last night. Know that I could
have beaten them all – but I dislike the cold and couldn’t be bothered to
stand up. English boy seeming strangely appealing but Steve and Ian would
kill me. Should not have brought Innuendo on train – has resulted in Dave
and Mark developing a strange obsession with Frank’s pegleg and his large
rubber member-ship card. Mark also seems keen on using card to write a
porno. Freaking freezing on train, esp at night. So much for sleeping bag
keeping me warm at -5 degrees. Woke up from the freaking cold – luckily
have portable heat source. Worrying that he requested I sleep with my back
to him… damn these homo-erotic stories. There were strange noises coming
from the next cabin thingy with the other guys – did the Afrikaans women get
them?? Dave seemed strangely envious this morning, praying that this trip
to Jo’burg arrives soon.
JD
22:56
Finally eating, thank God!! Steve and Sed beginning to look tasty. English
boy abducted by wargamers, if they try anything Steve will kill them. Back
aching from too much manual labour, fingers cramping from painting Dave’s
models, damn his eyes!! Hope food comes soon, I can cook Steve with this
candle …
Mojo
23:11
Sitting at the aptly named 24/7. It is officially Kuzmas! Interval since
last entry due to intense cold and manual labour, we are Grant’s indentured
slaves. It hurts. Food is imminent, we hunger. I hate transport, have no
idea how Ian’s crowd getting to Jabula tomorrow. It is my problem. No one
looking strangely appealing, I’m safe from being killed. Exception :
dancing girls at Convention centre. Probably underage (except for
instructor girl. Yum). Irresistability to bitches untouched.
The blasted Magic Player
Had dream about Serra Angel. Need relief. Need to find room with decent
ambient temperature. No luck. Too cold for any naughtinss, maybe the
English kid will help. Seems more flexible than a Magic card. Hmm .. Steve
still hungry. Trading of services for the kid with food seems good, he
might kill me tho. Met some strange Magic judge. Talke too much sounded
like a seal. Seemed repressed tho. Maybe he was thinking of servicing me
while mouthing off. Dirty kiddie-fiddler.
Mojo
23:46
Have eaten. We are sated, slumber beckons. Words cannot convey
satisfaction at having eaten after our enforced starvation. We are sated.
Toilets are the cleanest I have ever seen. Hmmm delightful sherbet aroma ….
Steve
23:51
I have become Sed’s padawan Magic (tm) learned. He is training me in the
art of “$cH001ing wit L33T? $k1lL$”. Very exciting. Hoping to 0wnj
tomorrow… spent the first day in Joburg providing slave labor at Icon when
threatened with a 6’4” goth. Noticed Gareth eyeing ‘fit’ dancing girls.
Mojo
12 July
9:11
Finally at con. Already been eyed by bitches. I am so hot. Woke up at
6:30. pried eyes open with crowbar. Strangely warm. Don’t remember going
to sleep. Perhaps I should kill someone.
Duncan
Am currently finding males more appealing than female. Skank ho bitches
irritating the shit outta me, except Michelle. If I try anything Ian will
kill me. Damn! 0WnZ3D everyone (Jon and Brindley) last night at the cg
arcade. I fucking raped their asses. Am looking forward to more raping in
the rpgs and the warhammer.. xtra rapage should be cool. Going out to The
Doors tonight, may score. Am still saving up for anime style ‘realdoll’
only $100 000 to go! Go me!!
Al(presumably Alistair)
Dude these guys need to get the memo, grass is green. I hate the N1,
trucks, taxis and bleeding ‘stop go’ roadworks. I am rather pleased that my
host’s many cats have not swallowed me. I have to duck .. registration.
The Female
In Joburg. Am still only girl. Feel like screaming, but on reassessment
the situation could have been promising.. but I would have been killed.
Joburg has been great so far, although staying at same house as Brindley and
Duncan has led to further threats to my sanity. Stuff it I don’t care
anymore. I wonder if the English boy is ok. He was insane enough to sleep
in the same room as Jon and Duncan – Steve will kill them if they tried
anything. Brindley showing curious obsession with ‘Prince Ali’ song,
possibly ego indication? Must go make concerted attempt to stay away from
pretty dice store. Must stay away. Pretty shiny dice are the devil
incarnate and tempting me. Already bought dice bag and baby D6s. must stay
away. Have just seen Adrianna –am no longer only female, at last! YAY!!!
Blinking Raymond (no idea)
10:05
Am writing in stupid book because three is nothing else to do. Stupid think
is running late. Keeper is getting angsty while the red fro is flexing
nothing at all and sundry. Needless to say.. bored.
Mojo
10:15
Convention centre loaded with bitches, am sure to score. Must mention one
minger, seems to to think she knows me. What a slag ho. If anyone tries
anything they’re welcome.
JD
10:52
First session, stuck with Jon as DM, tokoloshes ate my baby. Dave &
Michelle as well, Jon eyeing us funny, Steve will kill him. Owned the rest
of my party with Fox, yay me! Think B played Fox as well, didn’t get to
school his own party though. In Joburg, not cold, hunger abated thus far ….
Mojo
15:10
Confusion reigns. Second module (crone wars) has begun on a sour note, 7
players and no DM. Worried. First module was miserable I had the worst GM
ever. Oh and my table was bitch free. Damn. Have to DM now … will test
my bitch-attractiveness tonight.
The Female
Managed to stay away from happy shiny dice stall Yay me! Also managed to
sign up for a LARP yesterday. Character was 52 years old, I am aging
prematurely! Am I the only one who cant see this?!? My previous fears were
not ungrounded … Feeling very sorry for the English boy, the other males
are getting desperate, Steve will kill them if they try anything. Even
though have been at Icon have not heard them talk about ‘bitches’.
LARP was interesting, got locked outside (some of us). Great confusion
ensued, but what do you expect from roleplayers?
Brindley
13 July
8:37
Woke up with the “Dark Empire” theme from Star Wars ringing in my ears, I
think it’s a sign that I’m ready to get my Ork on! Which may or may not be
a good thing. I have since secured a private room as lack of sleep and
penetration is not my high priority list. We are on our way now (singing)
Lets get it ooon!
Steve
The morning after
Mank check: getting dodgy. Tired, sore, getting hungry. Last night sampled
a bit of Joburg’s nightlife with JD, Mark, Gareth, & Sed. JD’s iron will
crumbled at the first sign of happy hour and before long was shouting “et
nominee patris, et filis, et spiritus sancti” before tossing back another
(progressively vile) shot. Alcohol tolerance nonexistent, tipsy after
first drink, wasted after second. First time I’ve had more drinks than I
could put away… maybe Joburg not so bad after all. Gareth apparently
irresistible to bitches but still clumsy enough to fall off the stage.
Worried about sleeping next to JD. Keeps talking about waking up in a 69.
If he tries anything I’ll kill him.
18:06 (Sunday)
Mank check: ugghhh. Oh no, I might be getting sick. Probably shouldn’t
have joined that team of ‘diseased sodomy bikers’. Convinced that all the
nice girls have boyfriends. Little English boy strangely attractive… if I
try anything I’ll kill myself.
JD
10:29
Back now progressed from a sea to an ocean of pain. Neck even worse, why
did I let Gareth take me on stage?? Gareth indeed is the man, met 2 girls,
lent me 1 named Melina, very sweet, but needed about another half hour to
pull. Curses! Another session about to start, if my dice misbehave again(
3 fumbles in DnD? yesterday) I’ll check their flammability.
Brindley
19:50
In a cruel twist of fate, after all the threats of raping the little English
boy, it was I that was bent over and anally invaded. Yes he bent me. I
wonder if Steve will kill me? Then that cheating,scaly, scummy, fucking
bastard cheater-cheat-cheat-cheat-mutha-fuck. Anyways, who cares, he went
down like a cheap Nigerian whore. We have had a bit of a scary
conversation. Sucking dick for money. So far sucking but not taking it in
the mouth: (cut off in US$)
Gareth 1000, Brindley 1000, JD 1000, Dieter 1000, Dave 99 100 000, Waynne
1000, Johan 1000 000, Jon not at all!, Simon doesn’t need the money.
David
14/7
3:25
Hate my dice!! Hate my luck!! Goodbye Abaddon … (-the angst!!! JD)
The blasted Magic playa
Good news and bad news. Bad news – arsehole been widened by several inches
after Magic on fri and sat. Good news – plenty of asses widened by me
today. Yay me. May make top 8. Should make it. Heeheehee. Need to
celebrate. Must find the little English kid. Best be quiet though, Steve
still paranoid.
Mojo’s Rant
14/7
16:37
Previous entry 49 hours ago, much to say. Will begin where last entry
ended. GM’ing went fine. Expect only mild bitching from players(notable
exception of Michael, bit of a tiff) Plans were made, fell through, remade
and delayed, but eventually we made our way to Edenvale. Supper! Nandos –
the taste of Portugal. At this point I would eat anything, even onions.
Hot chicken burger (no drink I’m a real man) delicious and a free endorphin
rush! Legal drugs!
8:57
Waiting at doors to the Doors. Downstairs bar closes as the Doors opens.
My posse is in! Oh my deity! Happy hour, 2 for 1, on anything, at all!
“Hi can I have 2 hunte’s drys?””Sure” (4 appear) “That’ll be R18” (gasps of
joy and surprise followed by inebriation). ((Doors happy hour song: It don’t
matter what you do, you still get 2 you gotta (drink it) X7 NOW))
It is great. The Doors officially ‘roxors my boxers’ (yes I was wearing
boxers, black with flaming red dice on them). We drank more than I remember
during the aptly named happy hour. Then we went dancing. Normal dancefloor
was arb, however the stage looked promising. First liquid courage, shot 1
sambucca(zappa red) good, shot 2 apple sours(tang) good, shot 3 Malibu
(unknown) vile. Needed Smirnoff chaser after coconut evil.
Steve was unable to handle liquor. He was wasted, sooo wasted. However the
stage was ours, bitches were unable to resist me. Official bitch count – 4.
Bitch 1 was the couch girl, had bf and was also old. Line: “I’d say I was
here to chat to you, but I’m just fetching my drink.” Bitch 2 was tattoo
girl. Tattoo of 3 Japanese/Chinese words up lower back. Also had a pierced
tongue. Very sexy, think she also had a bf. Line: “Just how far does that
tattoo go?” Answer: Just past the small of back. Bitches 3 and 4 were a
pair. Having acquired the ladies (cannot remember line – at this point
sobriety was a distant memory), farmed Melina off to JD. He needed just
half an hour more to pull her. I ignored Feather. Not my type. Er. Yup.
Possible line: “Why don’t you come up on stage?” Conclusion: Doors chicks
are fit and easy, damned lucky Joburgers.
Downside, the morning after. Woke up early. Too early. Had a hangover.
The day improved as it went on. Started by doing menial work. Then parked
and watched Anime. No BTS. Unsatisfied. Then played DnD?, cool module.
Played a half-troll, completely raped everything. Best moment, throwing an
axe into a Celt. Insert incredibly shit part of day. Trying to get 3
people back to 4-ways at 1am. It is impossible. This was the most
stressful part of trip to date. Brindley managed to organize a lift with
scary,crazy german guy. see later entry.
Redeemed by visit 2 to the Doors. Happy hour was only at 1. We only got a
few then. However, bitches! More!! Fitter!!! Easier!!!! There were also
free drinks, we all got free sours. Official bitch count: 6. Bitches 1 and
2: Melinda and Feather returned for more. JD struck out. Feather was
ignored. Yay me? Line: none needed. Bitches 3 and 4: short blonde and
tallish brunette(frizzy hair). Both very fit. Brunette had interesting
single piece top line: “Why aren’t you girls on the stage?”. Bitch 5:
skanky stair chick! Was walking down stairs, she was on her way up. We
both stepped aside to let the other past. She moved first and obviously
(trust me here-unmistakable) drags her hand across my arm and then across my
chest. What a ho! Mmmm fit.
Before bitch 6, special mention must be made of The Man from Boksburg. Last
night we had been told that the people who dance on stage were losers from
BB. We got to see one. Topless not dancing, just flexing his muscles.
Saddest thing I have ever seen. Bitch 6: very hot, dark hair, tall. Line:
“You are fucking hot!” Simple, clean, efficient. We left, disappointed
that we had to go. We’ll be back next year(or I will kill myself rather
than return to the hell that is transport).
Today: Relaxed. Played another cool module. Waiting for banquet, Joy! We
return tomorrow
Steve
21:56
Yup. I’m sick. Brindley kind of scary. Prize giving over, there is a god.
Got the shakes, think I may die. Crap.
Robyn
BwaHahahahaha?!! Ia Ia Cthulu ftang ng’lthui!! My bother, um brother has
been skoooled! Saul 4 eva or death – preferably his! (steve – aww, aren’t
those 2 just the cutest)
Shaun
While observing a group of CLAWs members I am reminded of the adage: ”You
can only take them somewhere twice. The first time to visit, the second
time to apologise.” Unfortunately they were the more well behaved out of
the people at the dinner (wrong!! –Steve)
The blasted Magic player
22:45
SCHOOLED dem beetches from Joburg at Magic. Victory glow almost made me
forget about frustration, for a while. Now even Sengir Vampire has strange
appeal…. Brindley wants to know what it will take for me to take a blowjob.
No comment. (Steve might kill me). Everyone pissed. Hehe. Couple of
chicks interrupted the dinner to say something, didn’t pay any attention cos
the bitches were fly and presenting. Took nothing off tho. Cockteases.
Little English boy undefended. Steve not that drunk tho. Bugger. Well,
maybe not bugger.
Mojo rebuts Sed
Drunk bitches, while ‘presenting’ had uhm, huge assest. Massive breasts..
massive ass(ow my ribs). Sorry Sed. Oh yes, I fucking hate L5R?, fucking
Pikies!
Sed
Man, those chicks were fly, but L5R? can have its ass manhandled by Bubba.
Shaun
Nothing bad to say about L5R?. However Gareth’s obsession for the ass shot
is slightly disturbing, He is so damn picky.
Mojo
I now posses the photo, its perfect, every aspect works, particularly the
faces. Caption: “Gareth shows his true opinion of L5R?”
Mojo
15/7
12:55
Finally returning to beautiful Cape Town. Life is good. Warm last night!
Yay me! Spaded bitches last night, official bitch count: 2. Bitches were
sisters. Line used (on a card) “The gentlemen kindly request that the young
ladies join them for polite conversation” Steve’s suggested line: “Are you
from Hungary, hungry for cock?” Younger sister was Panora (15), lied about
her age. Taurus. Older sister was Cassie (Cassandra) (18) Capricorn.
Bitches were related to Steve, very worrying.
Steve
I would like to note that they are merely the daughters of my cousin’s
mother’s ex-husband’s, ex-girlfriend. Which makes us ….absolutely nothing.
The Female
Am only girl on train, again. Still on train, still not in Cape Town. Have
discovered that there are only 2 things worse than BJs?, the Leopard Spot
(milkshake was lumpy,as in had bits stuck in teeth afterwards, and tasted of
coconut instead of chocolate, damn Joburgers trying to poison us) and KKS
(‘nuff said). Looking out window and appreciating scenery, green makes
delightful change from shades of decay found in Joburg…
Havent seen the English boy much on the trip –wonder if the others got him
first, Steve will kill them. Gareth and Brindley were attempting to spade
some relatives of Steve. Both Steve and Brindley are in denial (Steve
claims they are not related and Brindley was sleeping with Jon 3 nights ago
– in the words of the little English boy). They have started up another
chorus of “Kill dah wabbit”, possibly to compensate for lack of masculinity
due to homosexual tendencies. What I do know for sure is that if they don’t
stop - I’ll pretend that they are rabbits….
Conversations of note have been ass-jelly(I woke up at the wrong time),
derailing(thank you Sed), and quantum mechanics and acceleration of light,
fate the universe and everything. After the overdose of females in Joburg
the guys seem to be reverting back to their previous behaviour on the train,
except for those who are managing to spade. Ian has not yet been affected
by their behaviour on this return trip. Yay me! We have also been given a
lot of time to ourselves, only Sed braved sleeping in the same compartment
as us, am afraid that he has voyeuristic tendencies he’s not telling anyone
about.
Best quote of Icon, from “a tot of horror”: Al(Al) to Vinnie (Simon Cross)
“Vinnie, just shoot that snake between your legs.” Snow on mountain is
pretty. Don’t want to get back, not even my ‘fuck-me-boots’(knee high
boots, as called by Fuller girls) have had any effect on their pseudo
homosexual behaviour and my ego will be dented permanently, damn the little
English boy!! (on the plus side, Ian wont kill me). Still not in Cape
Town, yay!
Jon – Supplemental (tales of horror)
Our journeys at Icon led us to being stranded at the Jabula centre on
Saturday night. First officer Bogart used his commlink to organize
alternative transportation in the form of an Alpha Romeo landspeeder,
piloted by Martin, an Austrian, boyfriend of Nina Wassung, and complete
cock-knocker. Martin felt the irrepressible urge to drive at warp 6
(220km/h) on the freeway and change lanes at 190km/h in order to give use an
idea as to how big his penis is. Was understandably worried by the prospect
of crushing, rending death but survived somehow. Ensign Dieter believes my
negative reaction to Martin’s antic is amusing, but that is alright, because
am handing him over to first officer Bogart for further ‘training’. I hope
commander Emslie doesn’t find out.
