Enter, young grasshoppers. This is the Holy Tao of Moonflake, for you to ponder and perhaps even repeat to yourself as a calming mantra. The ways of the world are mysterious and awesome, and perhaps these words will guide each of you on your path to enlightenment.
Rule 1 : Clothes maketh the man. Naked people have little to no influence on society.
Rule 2 : There is light at the end of the tunnel. The end of the tunnel is on fire.
Rule 3 : Don't look back - the lemmings are gaining on you.
Rule 4 : The early worm gets eaten.
Rule 5 : Pobody's Nerfect.
Rule 6 : It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
Rule 7 : The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Rule 8 : The goalie always bats last.
Rule 9 : No matter where you go, there you are.
Rule 10 : Health is the slowest possible rate at which you can die.
Rule 11 : Before you fly, make sure you're on board.
Rule 12 : On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Rule 13 : Why get even, when you can get odd?
Rule 14 : God does have a sense of humour...it's just twisted.
Rule 15 : Shut up and don't volunteer.
Rule 16 : To err is human. To really screw up, you need a computer.
Rule 17 : After all is said and done, sit down.
Rule 18 : Absence makes the heart go wander
Rule 19 : The way to a man's heart is through his ribs.
Rule 20 : The future belongs to our children: no wonder it looks so tatty and covered in spit marks.
Rule 21 : A fool and his money are soon elected.
Rule 22 : Money is flat and meant to be piled up.
Rule 23 : All men are alike; they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
Rule 24 : It always rains on someone who is already wet.
Rule 25 : Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
Rule 26 : Don't complain about the tea - you'll be old and weak yourself one day.
Rule 27 : A dirty book is seldom dusty.
Rule 28 : Give blood - it was meant to circulate.
Rule 29 : The route is always uphill and into the wind.
Rule 30 : Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep until noon.
Rule 31 : Don't question authority - it doesn't know either.
Rule 32 : Don't take life too seriously - it's not permanent.
Rule 33 : Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snarl and you get better service.
Rule 34 : The telephone book is full of facts, but it doesn't contain a single idea.
Rule 35 : When one is driven to drink, one usually has to walk back.
Rule 36 : People who never get carried away, should be.
Rule 37 : 'Tis better to be a coward for a minute, than dead for the rest of your life.
Rule 38 : Do not disturb. Already disturbed.
Rule 39 : Rome wasn't built in a day. It just looks that way.
Rule 40: Be realistic - plan for a miracle.
Rule 41 : Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines.
Rule 42 : This is the rule.
Rule 43 : The lion and the lamb shall lie down together, but the lamb won't get much sleep.
Rule 44 : The world beats a path to your door only when you are in the bathroom.
Rule 45 : A rumour without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.
Rule 46 : Those who know little soon repeat it.
Rule 47 : Given two choices, you'll make the wrong one...twice.
Rule 48 : Reciprocity works both ways.
Rule 49 : The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of the action.
Rule 50 : The shortest distance between two points will be closed for repairs.
Rule 51 : Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Rule 52 : If something is confidential, it will be left in the copier.
Rule 53 : A man's best friend is his dogma.
Rule 54 : You may have multiple personalities, but it sure beats eating alone.
Rule 55 : The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
Rule 56 : If you want an audience, start a fight.
Rule 57 :Death is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Rule 58 : The first piece of luggage out of the plane never belongs to anyone. Ever.
Rule 59 : Only Robinson Crusoe got his work done by Friday.
Rule 60 : If turning it on doesn't help, plug it in.
Rule 61 : Not everyone who has their eyes open is really awake.
Rule 62 : See one nuclear war, you've seen them all.
Rule 63 : Money may not buy you happiness, but it will buy you the misery you prefer.
Rule 64 : He who laughs last is slow.
Rule 65 : If you aren't confused, you obviously weren't listening.
Rule 66 : Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.
Rule 67 : You are unique, just like everybody else.
Rule 68 : If you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
Rule 69 : Deny everything.
Rule 70 : You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Rule 71 : Double-cross that bridge when you come to it.
Rule 72 : It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is greased.
Rule 73 : Be nice to your kids, they're the ones who choose your nursing home.
Rule 74 : Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Rule 75 : Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism.
Rule 76 : It's too bad stupidity isn't painful.
Rule 77 : It's not easy to be serious when you're naked.
Rule 78 : Madness takes it's toll; always ensure that you have correct change.
Rule 79 : If it feels good, don't do it.
Rule 80 : Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not really after you.
Rule 81 : If the world were logical, men would have ridden side-saddle.
Rule 82 : Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather restraints.
Rule 83 : God does play dice - the dice are weighted.
Rule 84 : There are only two things a pirate will run for: money, and office.
Rule 85 : Be not estranged from your booty, lest you need to shake it.
Rule 86 : If you haven't got anything nice to say, get yourself a publisher.
Rule 87 : Do not turn your back on the person who has forsaken you. Hand gestures are more readily interpreted.
Rule 88 : The only thing more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.
Rule 89 : Always draw your curves, then plot your readings.
Rule 90 : Lovers are like parking spaces: all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Rule 91 : No one over the age of three can open childproof lids.
Rule 92 : It is far cheaper and just as rewarding to pretend you're utterly depraved.
Rule 93 : It is better to give or receive than to have never got a look in either way.
Rule 94 : Blessed are those with the gift for tolerance, for when they finally do their block it can be very entertaining indeed.
Rule 95: Decorum is important, but not if it gets between you and the food.
Rule 96: Art is whatever you're prepared to pay for it to be.
Rule 97 : Favoured are those who put others before themselves for they are so much easier to manipulate.
Rule 98 : Bad hair days: ineluctable, in a convertible.
Rule 99 : Knowledge is all very well, but rank stupidity is often rewarded surprisingly richly.
Rule 100: Always aspire to poverty - success is a certainty.
Rule 101: Pride goeth before a fall, and a filthy hangover usually quick smart after that.