CLAWs olden times wiki archive | TheTome / FridgeQuotes

FridgeQuotes are snippets of conversation which are amusing when repeated out of context.

They originated in a digs in Rosebank called Bognor (it was actually No.9 Bognor Road) which was inhabited by more visitors than rent-payers (or so I hear). FirleighFlats has continued in the tradition with a list of their own FirleighFridgeQuotes.

The name is also used as a blanket term for all sorts of funny quotes. - Adrianna

I'll begin this online archive of FridgeQuotes with the two original (admittedly spectacularly unamusing) fridge quotes.

Rice expands. - Simon
A grenade launcher launches grenades. - Waynne

Adam's mom "just wash your hands often n dont lick the keyboard"
mmf "oh my god - you are gonna google me RIGHT NOW!"

Tai (to dave sharpe): What are you doing? Why do you look so attractive?
Tai: Hey, these things are moist.

He claims to have been talking about eggs.

garrick relating his new year's eve:
"i was on the bed, then conrad jumped on me and i got off."

From SchpatCON ?

Adrianna: "I spade the Zombie." Roo and Stu: "Hey Zombie, how you doin'?"

Adam: "You Michael Jackson wannabee - you wanna fuck little children too?" Adam's flatmate: "Only yours."

this is what i have to live with...

Here's a few I picked up recently (or forgot about last CLAWmarks). - Adrianna

Neil: "What happened to the Archers?!" Simon: "I believe they were killed by the French, M'lord."
"If we do Jo, it'll be after France." - Jessica
David Maclay: "Why don't you just take a massive dose of multivitamins?" David Sharpe: "Because then your urine becomes extremely expensive."
"OK. So I have now experienced a female dwarf?" - Lara
"I'm a complete failure as a mammal." - Lara
"Good boy!" - Lara "Girl!" - Austin, Jessica & Adrianna "Good girl!" - Lara
"Not erotic... mildly nude." - Adrianna
"I am confident! It's a mastered spell! ... D'oh!" - Markus
"It's like 'hold person', except floppy." - Lara
"You have a limp ferret in your lap." - Garrick

Taken in and around the CLAWs crowd.

"Stick it up somewhere." - Ian
Andrea:"It's not very big is it?" Sean:"I know."
"There will be no going down!" - Sean
"I need to squeeze into this crack." - Mike

"It'll bring us the Pope, because the Pope is shiny." - Adrianna

I had to train the Americans in my apartment to stop trying to come up with fridge quotes. - Adam

"Adam, Eve, Cain, Noah?" - Jared "Yeah, I deleted Abel..." - Adam
"Where are the flying sheep when you need them?" - Marc
"What do you get a man who has everything?" - Naomi "Does he have a pool?" - Roy "Yes" "Then you definitely get him a large, rubber sheep."
"Was that a monkey?" - everyone against Jared
"Do you ever get the feeling that our access to the net has been severely restricted to everything that does not involve us? - Adam
"No! Technically I don't want to die!" Jared
"There could be cinnamons in parallel dimensions?" - Marc

And some more from our weekly games. - Adrianna

"Can you stick things up beyond what they're supposed to be?" - Duncan (This was a perfectly innocent question about stats in D&D. It only sounds bad because Duncan said it.)
"Fruit aren't really migrating animals." - Simon
"It might be necessary to boost my penetration." - Simon
"We'll be caught between a roc and a hard place!" - Simon
"I can't believe you guys did this!" - Lara "It's interesting!" - Adrianna "So's chickenpox!" - Lara

From the Icon road trip... - Adrianna

"Blow Simon's lizard!" - Adrianna to Alastair
"You suck. Or at least you can't blow." - Simon to Waynne

"Look it's blue!" - Sean "and it's getting bigger." - Andrea

"It's okay. I like to practice typing one-handed." - Gareth
"Touch me again and we'll find out who the really gay one is..." - Gareth
"Fucking dead clowns really gets me hard." - Brendan

"I'm mostly firm but that isn't really a compliment." - Sean (Wombat)

"This is as tight as I get." - Sean (Wombat)

"But it's not coming out." - Keightley
"So he can suck it out." - Sean
"But you're not supposed to swallow." - Keightley
"But if you want to swallow then you can." - Sean
"But it's all floppy now." - Keightley

"How do I get ahead in life?" - Adam

Taken from the Fuller dining hall, either by or about a certain CLAWother

"You could even say that I have a complex about my stick." - Jannie
"Then in the holidays we can all be over Jannie's thingy." - Rochelle

An incident in Erica's room when Sean was getting notes off her computer:

"I'm having trouble getting my disk into your drive." - Sean
"That's cause it doesn't take floppies." - Neil (CLAWother)
"Oh, it's okay I have it now." - Sean

"I am so horribly fucked."(repeatedly) -Sean(Clawbitch)

Here's my backlog, including things given to me by other people for next CLAWmarks. - Adrianna

Jessica: "So, how did the fish get to the top of the volcano?" Neil: "Interdimensional giant beetles put them there."
Andrew: "Aaah! Violence makes me horny!" Tracy: Bleeeeuuuuurgh!
"She tried to climb on me once, but I got all stiff so she didn't anymore." - Austin
"I'm wondering why your big blue boyfriend isn't doing the goo-gathering." - Jessica
"What have you got that's not a dead cat?" - Lara
Austin: "Fuck other people!" Simon: "What, as opposed to fucking yourself?" Duncan: "Well, the latter is more fun... uh, wait."
"Can we please stop talking about Uranus rings and gas giants?" - Waynne
Austin: "He has a stamina of -2." Adrianna: "Well, guess who's on top, then."
"I don't mind the evil, but the lawful bit freaks me right out!" - Lara
"They'll be sorry they messed with us!... Er, no, they'll be dead.... We can leave one alive just so it can be sorry." - Lara
"Tree-licking scum!" - Duncan
"Yeah, it's a horn of ever-blowing. So you blow it, stick it in his pants and run. " - Waynne
"Aren't you supposed to lick Poles or something?... Telephone poles! Telephone poles!" - Austin
"Bugger." - Austin

Here's some older ones I found - they might have gone in CLAWmarks, but they're not here, so here goes:

"You're still polishing my marble!" - Lara to Simon
"For god's sake, man, that's disgusting! Put it away!" - Adrianna
"If anything, I would say the holes are going to get filled." - Waynne
"Being a human is like being at this great party, and knowing you have to go home at eight." - Adrianna
"I'm not getting involved in this at all. Turlang, schmurlang." - Lara
"Get off my carrots!" - Lara
"But it's so spiky!" - Lara

I'm sorry, my head isn't in the right place. - Carli

Wasps, however, can go in and out several times. - Tai
I'm not going down while he's standing there! - Erica

Some more from roleplaying sessions

So Garrick's struggling with the concept of going straight? - Stuart
Stu, stop flashing at Sam. - Jason
The trick isn't in the shooting, it's in the position! - Stuart
I can smell posse all over you. - Garrick
No, no, he's not a bad shot - he's a FUCKING TERRIBLE SHOT! - Stuart
And the one kid, his head was all twisted like, like when you sneak up on an owl from behind. - Stuart
And the wife was lying on the table, with her guts out, and these two guys were sitting there eating her ... not like you think, you perverts. - Stuart
I got him in the head when he was on his knees in front of me. - Stuart

During The Roxies LARP

Out of character... SHIT! - Kerry

A final role-playing quote

Lucas to Shelagh - Your body is my canvas.

An extract from an IRC conversation involving Simon:

<confluence> Hey! :P

Hodgestar fucks for cover.

<Hodgestar> Crap. Why do d and f have to be so close together. :(

Maths Tut madness:

Do I have one too many thingies in my whatsit? - Bronwyn.
Hey just because you spent your first year doing nothing. Well so did I but that's not the point, this first year is going to be different damnit!. - Sean

A few more from the land of sand - the original Adam

"You know what you're good at?" "what?" "blowing your nose." (ask campey if you can find him)
(discussing camomile) "my grandmother has cushions that smell like this - " "aren't you meant to throw those in the toilet?"
"I WAS honest - I'm lying now!"
"Don't move - I'm about to kick sand in your face."
(facial ticks) "Do you have the 'unwanted moving' here?"
"shit! i didn't mean to really die, i was just kidding!"

Converstion between Nic,Sean and Michael: Nic:"Are you planning on how you are going to shaft us?" Michael (Writing in black book):"Yeah". Sean (Looking in black book):"WOW! 19 Inches!!".

Adam rides again

"if you can't write a decent compiler, then go dig ditches or something." - mit comp. sci. lecturer
"there's nothing worse than having to stand up every few minutes to go 'ow! my fucking back aches!'" "dude - where did you have to bend over like that?!"
"so you use your alarm as a vibrator?"
"oh, stop being anatomically correct!"
"i'm pretty good with my left hand, it just depends on what i'm doing."

An entry in the Blue Government section of the Phone Book, proving that the ability to live without a brain is a requirement to work there.

Dead Animals: See Dead Animals.

Sex isn't for the application, it's for the ... - waynne (on asking, we were told that it is for the primary insurer)

Matthew: I'm so hot...
Kevin: Yes. Yes, you are.
Matthew: ...in this jacket...
Kevin: Oh.

Kevin recounts his awesome psych tut with us

Kevin: I couldn't log in and do my tutorial, so I did it with some BA Humanities girl.
Warren: Nice, dude!

From CLAWs olden times wiki archive

TheTome: FridgeQuotes